Well you know how I talk to Josh about my feelings and depression? Well I can't for a while because he got his dumb ass arrested and put in jail. Man I miss him so bad. You just don't know how much I depend on him. Now I have to wait till the end of the month to talk to him again. Damn. But it's getting better. But some days I just miss him so much especially when I'm wanting to cut. And no I haven't. It's just so hard not to sometimes. One day I almost did. I had a sharp kitchen knife in my hand because I was cutting some cheese and I was so tempted to just start slicing. But I didn't. In fact as of Thursday it has been one month since I stopped cutting. I wish I could have been here so I could have told him. But it's still a struggle.
Anyway right now I'm on fall break. I'm so happy I don't have school. I mean I like school but even the geeks need a break. The past few days I've been spending the night at my friend Becca's house. We had fun going to church (where I got to hug her chrush and ex-crush) and then getting my cousin and playing Wii Fit all day Thursday. And I lost weight. Score. I'm glad. Too bad I'll probably gain it back because I've been binge eating like no tomorrow in the absence of Josh. But I guess it's better than carving myself up with razor blades. :/
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I meant MY ex crush.
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