Things are Worse

Since the last time things have gotten progressively worse. First off I started cutting again. 4 months down the freaking toilet. Ugh. And yes I know I said I never would again because Josh would never talk to me again. Well... that's the reason I did.
He got his girlfriend, Tiffany (I hate her), pregnant and now she won't let him talk to any girls. That is a load of caca de toro and he should know that. And I feel bad for him. Now he does not have just one but two kids on the way and that must be stressful (although I'm suspicious about Stephany's baby...), but I really need him and he said he'd be here and would never let me down. Also I love him so much, I cry almost everyday because this hurts so bad. But I did happen to see him at Wal-Mart (in Albany no less, which is weird because he lives in AME, and they have a Wal-Mart), just when I was about to completely give up, so I can't help but think it's a sign to not totally give up hope. I saw a comment today that sounds like what I should do, "I never stopped loving you, I just stopped showing it." Showing it hurts more, so it's easier to look numb. I don't know what to do. I mean I gave that boy my virginity and have loved him since I met him, so I just can't let him go yet.
Speaking of virginity, Rebecca found out I'm not a virgin (thanks Bubba), and had to allude to it somehow last night at church last night (grrr), going so far as trying to get everybody to tell if they're a virgin or not. She obviously has never been in a situation where that can happen and doesn't have those feelings. It's a lot harder to resist than I ever thought it would be and I knew about it all. I feel bad for her when she's in that situation. Oh well. And I got invited to Emma's b-day party Saturday so I gotta prepare for that, and also volunteered for stuff at the FBLA meeting (by the way I went to the competition and placed in both of my areas and can go to Atlanta if I can get the money [I'm not sure if I mentioned this before so I'm mentioning it now]).
Well this is all I feel like writing. It's starting to depress me.
Oh one more thing, my mom FINALLY made me an appointment with a psychiatrist, so yay. Although her bitching all the time (literally) isn't helping me.