feeling bad

I feel bad. Today a friend asked if I would watch his iPod Touch. I said I would, but warned him that I might forget so he might want to take it with him. Well he didn't and I got distracted and someone stole it. He said it's ok, that it's his fault for bringing it, but I still feel bad. And my depression flared up from missing Josh. And it didn't help that I really wanted to cut myself because of the iPod thing.
On a brighter note I'm running for freshman class pesident. Idk why I signed up. But maybe I'll win. That's all I feel like writing for now.

eh idk

Nothing much to report today. I went to a party Friday but it was a supervised birthday/Halloween affair. My brother was really grossing me out, as he got back together with Mandy (ugh) and they were French-kissing all over the place. And he has a disgusting nick-name for her, sexy thing. EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Mandy was also having some sort of breakdown or something and it turns out her cousin likes to cut herself, among other things. Speaking of cutting on the way to that party we passed Josh's house. That so did not help my mood. It just made that ache in my chest worse. God I miss him. But my mood did get better once we got there, as there was this really funny boy there. He just made me laugh a lot and everytime the smoke machine came on was like "Whoever has that needs to share." lol. I can't wait to see him again. Although I would give anything to see Josh again.

Luke Bryan/Jonathan

Life is bearable right now. I'm not particularly happy but, eh, who honestly is? Although I still have some excitement in me over seeing Luke Bryan at Wal-Mart yesterday. He was there for an autograph signing since he was doing a concert in his hometown of Leesburg later that night. The signing started at 4 and my mother had us there at 2. We were third in line. What fun I had standing in line for 2 hours. Not. But it was ok since I got to talk to my friend Jonathan most of the time.
Jonathan is a guy I met through text messaging about a month before I met Josh. Unfortunatly he stopped texting for about a month so I forgot about him. Might I also mention he has a big crush on me? Last night I forwarded him a rate me thing on our phones and he rated me "hottttz", "sexxxy", and "i wanna date you". It flattered me but... I still like Josh. But it's nice to have someone to talk to in Josh's absence. In fact Josh was posing as my boyfriend one time when Jonathan was texting me making it so we would be just friends. I wish Josh was my boyfriend. But I'm dealing with it. I guess that's it for now. (I still miss him so much!!!!!!)

Missin Josh/Fall Break

Well you know how I talk to Josh about my feelings and depression? Well I can't for a while because he got his dumb ass arrested and put in jail. Man I miss him so bad. You just don't know how much I depend on him. Now I have to wait till the end of the month to talk to him again. Damn. But it's getting better. But some days I just miss him so much especially when I'm wanting to cut. And no I haven't. It's just so hard not to sometimes. One day I almost did. I had a sharp kitchen knife in my hand because I was cutting some cheese and I was so tempted to just start slicing. But I didn't. In fact as of Thursday it has been one month since I stopped cutting. I wish I could have been here so I could have told him. But it's still a struggle.
Anyway right now I'm on fall break. I'm so happy I don't have school. I mean I like school but even the geeks need a break. The past few days I've been spending the night at my friend Becca's house. We had fun going to church (where I got to hug her chrush and ex-crush) and then getting my cousin and playing Wii Fit all day Thursday. And I lost weight. Score. I'm glad. Too bad I'll probably gain it back because I've been binge eating like no tomorrow in the absence of Josh. But I guess it's better than carving myself up with razor blades. :/