Depressed Feelings

Clubs at school are recruiting. I think there is some contest between the clubs to see how many students join what. I think I'm going to join Skills USA. The dues are pretty good and you get to take trips, so it sounds good. I'm also probably going to be tutoring math students. Idk how I got sucked into that.
My friend who happens to be a boy is going to a different school in about two weeks. And you know my cousin told him I liked him and asked if he liked me. He does, but only as a friend. And I feel like I'm the cause of him moving (I think I have a guilt complex). Because he knows I like him. And he will never like me like that. He likes my cousin. What a surprise. No boy will ever like me or love me. I'm going to grow old and die alone. If I live to grow old.
Some good news is that my mom's boyfriend is going to work in Florida for three months next week. You know he's the reason that I started cutting myself on a regular basis again. I was getting better. But no. He started one day, and I snapped and now I haven't been able to stop. When I found out that my friend didn't like me I cut deeper than I usually do. It bled. A lot. And I did it, not so much because he rejected me, but just the fact I was rejected. I've been rejected so much in life by so many people I just can't take anymore. But hopefully it will get better. I just got to remember God helps those who helps their selves.