Life Sucks So Bad

My life has not gotten much better since the last time I blogged. That asshloe still hates us. But at least I've got a new guy friend who is really cute. Too bad my cuz likes him and he likes her. Why do all the boys I like never like me back? Probably because of the way I look. Boys tend to not like fat girls.
But I'm use to it. But it don't help my depression. Sometimes I wish I was dead. And not over a boy but over all the messed up crap that is my life.

Tired

God, I'm so tired. Today I had to get up at five in the morning so I could earn $20. Too bad my mom's boyfriend is too lazy to work and most of what I've earned is going to buying food. Oh and one of my birthday gifts is being returned too. My life sucks ass.
I'm more depressed than before. My mom's boyfriend started again. He called me a very bad word for a part of a female's body that starts with a "c". My cousin was going to kick his ass. It's a good (or bad from my point of view) thing her mom was in the way.
No wonder I cut myself.
So not only am I tired because of my day of work, I'm also emotionally tired from the psychological abuse from the hands of my mom's boyfriend.
I wish I could run away. Too bad I don't have anywhere to go or way to survive. Being dead seems more and more appealing everyday.

Life is a B$*^#@

Sometimes life is easy. Sometimes it's hard.
But what do you do when it's a stright up b$*@# all the time? I think I've mentioned before how I live with an alchoholic. Well my suspitions about how he hates every girl he can't sleep with is pretty much confirmed. He can't stand me and my cousin because he can't have us.
The other night he started crap with us and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to kill myself because of him. It's a good thing I wasn't alone to long or I might have. I did do quite a number on my arm though. I feel bad about that now. My brother saw what I did. I'm glad that he didn't tell my mom. I know that I need help but I can't talk to my mom. I just can't. So I talk to you, a bunch of strangers. But at least I'm talking. That's more than what some do.
And before you judge me for cutting myself, try walking a mile in my shoes. It's not a cry for attention, or anything. There's a reason you hide it. But sometimes you've got to do something to relive stress, and it's better than hurting someone else. But you should read up on it. I have. I know I shouldn't do it, but it's hard not to. It's addictive.
That's all I have to say for now.

Nothing in Particular

Well, I don't have much to blog about today (not that it matters, considering that no one reads it, but whatever). Mostly all I have to talk about is how my friend finally got the cell phone she wanted. So hopefully she will leave me alone about it now. It's a nice phone. It slides and has a keyboard. But I'm just kinda glad to have a phone.
She's an only child and spoiled. She's use to getting whatever she asks for. But she is my best friend and the person I think I love most in the world (yes, even more than my family. If you had to live with them you would understand.)
My depression isn't getting any better. I feel like it's getting worse. Sometimes it gets so hard to control it. I've even started doing things that would get me sent to therapy for sure if my mom found out (no, I'm not hurting animals or other people).
I wish I had my own computer. It sucks that I have to wait to go to the library to use the flipping computer.
Well that's about it. I guess that I'll blog again when I get the chance, for those of you who actually read my blog.

Love, and How it Sucks.

Well in my time away from my blog I have in a effect have had 2 boyfriends within the space of one month, both of whom dumped me for no real reason. The first I met through my friend. He was nice and sweet. But it turns out he was only he was using me (and for you pervs out there I DID NOT sleep with him. But what he wanted was along those lines. And it was a long distance kind of thing so I didn't do anything else either :-P). But it hurt me when he dumped me. He supposedly caught swine flu and had to "worry" about his health and he didn't want that to be a burden on me (yeah right). Well, recently I discovered what I always thought. He was just using me to get what he wanted. I found this out because he was trying to get the same thing out of my friend, and she kept saying no. She got mad when he kept bothering her so she said something like "You don't care about me and you say you won't talk to me anymore if i don't send them," (he had been saying that) "because you're selfish. The only reason you broke up with Sara was because she wouldn't anymore." And he said something like "Yeah, so?"
That sent me into a level of pissed off/depression I've never been in before in my life. Yeah, so now it hurts to think about him.
And my 2nd boyfriend, well I met through the same friend (maybe I shouldn't date boys she knows). He didn't use me but i got even closer to him (No, I didn't sleep with him either) because we talked so much and got know each other so well. I belive he did care about me. But then he broke up with the day before my birthday because he didn't want me to suffer through his "terrible" life. Yeah, what a birthday gift. And that so helpped my depression. Not.
But I'm trying to forget those losers.
There are some very nice prospects in my future, especially when school starts again (July 31, ugh).

Haven't been on in a while.

Wow. I can't remember the last time I posted. I feel like this is one of the many (as in 100) diaries I've had that I just all of a sudden stopped writing in. But I'm back hopefully to stay (who knows, maybe someone, ANYONE, would actually take an intrest in my trivial life. though to me it's not trivial. if some of you had to put up with what I do, you would have killed yourselves already). But so much has happened since last December. The small things being finishing the Twilight saga and having a change in intrests. The bigger things being new friends, changing what my hair looks like, passing the 8th grade with flying colors, turning 15, and getting a summer roommate. I look at my old post and think "Wow, I sound stupid," but when looking at this I think "Wow, I sound stupid."
Anyway what's done is done. I still won't be able to post as often as I want (no home computer) but hopfully when my school starts on July 31st (yes I know, that sucks) I'll probably get to post at least every week day.
At least life isn't as boring as it used to be. I'm now (and for some time actually) the proud owner of a cell phone that doesn't suck. But I'm sadder than I use to be. Like you know how I mention that I have 7 cats in my profile? Not any more. All except one died (and the one that's still alive doesn't live with me). And lots of things have been going on. Like I moved to a even smaller hick town. At least I live in town now though. And I live with a certified alcoholic. Yeah, not an easy life. At least now I've got a friend I can really talk to (my roommate), even if her time here is growing short (thank God for text messaging). Well that's about it. I'll try to post again as soon as I can, for those of you who care.